redundancy check

Like falling off the same cliff twice
that sound, so homely.

Wrapped up in your sunday best
whites to be sure,
a little foam around the mouth.

This is where the lines of linen
won’t hold, I needle the fabric

I refuse to be hung up
on the menagerie.

I am aisle alone
trailing fumes from
the artificial

patrick tribbett dance.


46 thoughts on “redundancy check

  1. Beauty in recognizing who you are and who you are not. It’s all in the claiming of it. You’ve portrayed it in a very deep and vulnerable sentiment. This is powerful I think!

  2. I though of a completely different thing because of the title. I love the title and how it fits. You have to reread the poem to understand the hidden meaning underneath it.

  3. I read this a few times, trying to relate the title to the content. But I’m puzzled – perhaps this is one to be analysed in a workshop? Perhaps it is too modern for me.
    But I enjoyed the effort – perhaps I need to return.

  4. Well, to me the last line kind of summed it up and I had quite a feeling of aversion to anyone “trailing fumes from the artificial”. Don’t do that!

  5. if you are still struggling with a title, perhaps “Past in Review” or somthing of the sort. just an idea, anyway you did well though your statement is a little fuzzy to some its alright it was written by you for you and thats all that matters. Have a great rally and it was a pleasure to meet you

  6. Hi Gregbrown, I had a good read there!
    But I have a question: How does the title of the poem relate to the contents? Though I enjoyed the flow but somehow I am stumped by the relation between the title and the prose itself. I would be grateful if you can shed some light.

    • I have problems with titles. Sometimes they are present at birth, usually on those aha moments. Other times are a struggle. At one point this was going to be called “deja vu” but that seemed boring and cliche.

    • sometimes it is more about the language and feeling as opposed to meaning. although the last line is in reference to an old meme

  7. Antithetical -both withdrawn and purposeful, I think. I feel as if the speaker is held back by the future, fearing what will come if false moves are made.


    Thanks for sharing

  8. Pingback: Thursday Poets Rally Week 44 (May 19-25, 2011) | Promising Poets' Poetry Cafe

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