redundancy check

Like falling off the same cliff twice
that sound, so homely.

Wrapped up in your sunday best
whites to be sure,
a little foam around the mouth.

This is where the lines of linen
won’t hold, I needle the fabric

I refuse to be hung up
on the menagerie.

I am aisle alone
trailing fumes from
the artificial

patrick tribbett dance.

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46 thoughts on “redundancy check

  1. Beauty in recognizing who you are and who you are not. It’s all in the claiming of it. You’ve portrayed it in a very deep and vulnerable sentiment. This is powerful I think!

  2. I though of a completely different thing because of the title. I love the title and how it fits. You have to reread the poem to understand the hidden meaning underneath it.

  3. I read this a few times, trying to relate the title to the content. But I’m puzzled – perhaps this is one to be analysed in a workshop? Perhaps it is too modern for me.
    But I enjoyed the effort – perhaps I need to return.

  4. Well, to me the last line kind of summed it up and I had quite a feeling of aversion to anyone “trailing fumes from the artificial”. Don’t do that!

  5. if you are still struggling with a title, perhaps “Past in Review” or somthing of the sort. just an idea, anyway you did well though your statement is a little fuzzy to some its alright it was written by you for you and thats all that matters. Have a great rally and it was a pleasure to meet you

  6. Hi Gregbrown, I had a good read there!
    But I have a question: How does the title of the poem relate to the contents? Though I enjoyed the flow but somehow I am stumped by the relation between the title and the prose itself. I would be grateful if you can shed some light.
    Thanks!

    • I have problems with titles. Sometimes they are present at birth, usually on those aha moments. Other times are a struggle. At one point this was going to be called “deja vu” but that seemed boring and cliche.

    • sometimes it is more about the language and feeling as opposed to meaning. although the last line is in reference to an old fark.com meme

  7. Antithetical -both withdrawn and purposeful, I think. I feel as if the speaker is held back by the future, fearing what will come if false moves are made.

    Stirring.

    Thanks for sharing

  8. Pingback: Thursday Poets Rally Week 44 (May 19-25, 2011) | Promising Poets' Poetry Cafe

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